De-Programming

We had a great fundraising dinner two weeks ago. It was beautiful, the food was delicious, the guest speakers focused on their topics and stuck to their allotted time, and the room was full of encouragement, blessing and friendship, and generosity.
However, we didn't bring in enough pledges to move ahead as we had hoped and planned.
The plan was that starting January, I would be working half-time (30 hours a week) at my regular job, and be freed up half time (the other 30) to build momentum with Access Church. That would enable me time to plan, strategize, and meet people, but mostly to prepare for and execute three programs a week: discipling our 'core community', beginning an introduction to Christianity study for 'sojourners' (or 'seekers'), and starting to meet with a group of at-risk high school students. The plan seemed perfect. With the help of others in our core community, I would spend the next 4-5 months building into these groups and people, and on Easter Sunday 2011 we would bring them together for a celebration gathering, where they would meet one another, realizing that there's something bigger and grander going on here, and would be invited to continue meeting together in community groups weekly, and in worship gatherings monthly (for now).
But the pledges that came in won't support my 30 hour a week goal. In fact, all told I have enough pledges for working at Access for just over five hours a week. So following our Fundraising Dinner, we had some thinking, praying and considering to do. Our options were pretty simple: 1. Realize that God is 'closing the door', or that we mis-heard what we're supposed to be doing, and move on in life and ministry to other fields; or 2. Stick in there, show some tenacity, find ways to continue providing for my family while also trying to start this church.
It hasn't been easy. Each solution has a positive side to it, seemingly right and holy and good, and each solution has a negative, seemingly worldly and unchristian and unfaithful. Taralyn and I have been back and forth individually and together as we've wrestled this out. I've also sought counsel from good friends and advisors, who have also gone back and forth.
But the point where I think we all have ended up is, it's not time for us to leave Aldergrove.
I won't be able to run three groups a week like I was hoping. I'll barely be able to do one, but I am committed to one. However, that one will need to change into something more life-giving, more structured and less programmed.
If there's one thing I would say that God has pressed into me over the past 16 months or so, it's de-programming. My friend Danny hangs out with high school kids to share the Gospel with them. He doesn't 'do' anything. He just hangs out. One night a week he puts out the invitation for any of them to come out for dinner. Not 'dinner and discussion', or 'dinner and Bible', or 'share your life story dinner'. Just plain old 'dinner'. They make it a point to resist the temptation to make it something more. The only 'spiritual' thing they do at their dinner, is pray before the meal. It's pretty simple. Yet, he has found that the youth who attend regularly LOVE this part of dinner. They get bummed if they miss the before-meal-prayer. On occassion, he's been asked if they can pray AGAIN, after latecomers have arrived (I don't know if he obliged their request or not). I remember hearing Danny talking about that maybe 2 years ago and I was inspired to do something like that too (I'm a copycat).
And yet, what I've done is re-create a tried and largely failed evangelical Christian method of getting into other peoples' lives and worlds - bait and switch. Bring them out for dinner, and switch it up with some Bible and Jesus talk afterwards. Or, to avoid the bait-and-switch tactic, I've told them upfront "here's what we'll be discussing tonight" and I've wondered why people don't come.
Hugh Halter talks about the same thing. When I first read his book "The Tangible Kingdom" I got really frustrated at his distancing himself from 'church'. He says, essentially, "we're not a church, I'm not a pastor, this is not a church plant". I've responded, "if it looks like a dog, wags its tail and barks, chances are...". But Halter's got a point. People don't want a religious program - they want friends, they want to share life, they want safe relationships, they want dinner.
The issue, perhaps, is intention. Danny's intention will never be to plant a church with these kids (although I've often wanted to push him in that direction!). Hugh Halter never wanted to plant a church, to the point where I'm frustrated reading his book going "PLANT THAT CHURCH!" (he did). My intention is to plant a church. I've told people that. When I've introduced myself for the first time to people on my street I've said, "We moved here to start a church in Aldergrove". I want to be upfront. Kudos to me for being honest, but maybe I should have had a look at my intention.
Maybe Jesus is building His Church. Maybe He's commissioned me to go out and make disciples, not to plant a church. Maybe through me opening my home and life to people, with no 'ulterior motive' or secret motivation to get them to help me plant a church, maybe if I'm simply missional - then Jesus WILL plant His church.
Taralyn suggested to me last night that maybe we just have people over for dinner. I've met some pretty cool people here in Aldergrove, and I've even invited a few to our Access Dinner... but maybe, Taralyn suggested, we should put Access away for now, and invite people to the Eddys' for dinner. I see great wisdom in that, and really a return to what my heart has been excited about all along. I married well.

I came to our Access Fundraiser Dinner with a great plan: three communities, each well programmed to make disciples, eventually joining to form one church gathering. I'm thinking right now that by the grace of God it won't be happening that way.