To Help the Unchurched Feel More Comfortable in your Pews

Here's my disclaimer: I am not unchurched. I was raised in churches; fellowship Baptist, Pentecostal, Charismatic, evangelical. I'm not the target, and this isn't a "how to" because the target is a moving one. "The Unchurched" isn't a generic, broad demographic, despite the efforts of Lee Strobel, Bill Hybels and others.
However, I have found that many churches don't consider how unchurched people feel in their gatherings at all. This REALLY bothers me. I've tried to make it bother my less, by convincing myself that our Sunday gatherings are really for Christian fellowship, not for outreach to non-Christians at all, and so why should we really think about "their" comfort? But that argument feels empty, given the command and commission of Christ to disciple the unchurched. Nothing in the epistles says that we should set anything up that hinders people from coming to Christ.
The simple truth is this: if you have an environment that is hostile to people who haven't been brought up in church, which many churches do, then you won't have anybody new to disciple. Your church will die with your generation, which is a great sin and tragedy.
So here are some pointers. Things that I have observed not just at one church but at many, who really WANT to see more 'unchurched people' at their services, but make it incredibly difficult for them to attend.

1. Clothing and Attire. Yes, I'm beating 'that drum'. And yes, I know it's an old drum to beat. But it still bears repetition. Nothing will turn off a non-churchgoer faster than the even unstated expectation that when you go to church you dress up in your Sunday best. Is it a sin to wear a suit on Sunday? Nope. Neither is it a sin to wear ripped jeans or a t-shirt.  Francis Chan argues for wearing the same clothes to preach in on Sunday as he wears in worship throughout the week, to diminish the divide between the sacred and the secular. I partly agree with him on this. I would say, wear the clothes you would wear out. Anywhere. Going out to a friend's house, would you make sure to dress in a button-up collared shirt? Then great - wear that to church! Would you wear a nice, well fitted t-shirt? Great church attire too! Maybe you'd wear a collared shirt one week and a t-shirt another - great!  But you probably wouldn't wear the threadbare comfy old sweater that you got in college and you lounge around the house in, to your friend's for dinner - then don't wear that to church. The key is making the people around you comfortable - particularly unchurched people.

2. Music. Yes, another old drum. But for different reasons (a different beat) The 'worship wars' of the 1990's focused on what I'm comfortable with, what kind of music suits me best. It was a consumerism that drove the fight, as James 4:1-2 tells us. What I'm advocating here is to think about the unchurched in our style, type, length, and content of our music selections. Do they want wordy, slow, drawn out hymns? Do they want upbeat choruses? Do they want contemplation, or fun, or somewhere in between? This sounds remarkably like a 'seeker sensitive' bit of advice, and maybe it is. But too many churches spend too much time trying to figure out the wants of their congregation without ever considering the needs of the dying world.  I'm also not an advocate of 'dumbing the worship down' - I deeply believe in solid theological content in our worship singing - that's likely what people will remember far better than the content of the sermon. But dragging out slow hymns, played like we were returning to 1955 middle America, isn't what I would call 'progressive'. Neither is worship singers trying to sound (or look) like Michael Bolton or U2.

3. Sharing, including the announcements and prayer.  When I bow my head to pray, I want to pour out my heart for the things I care about. The lost - yes.  The family in our neighbourhood who's house got broken into - definately. Famine in central America - without a doubt. Susanne's grandmother's nursing home roomate, who recently had another stroke - not so much. Who is Susanne? Why aren't we praying for other stroke victims by name? What about my own grandmother who has her own issues to deal with - why can't we spend time praying for everybody's relative or friend or life story? Praying for specific people in specific situations creates an elitism in a Sunday morning gathering. Those that nobody knows don't matter, while those who 'matter' get prayed for. Don't pretend it's not true. Otherwise there would be no sermon, no music, just prayer - and the prayer service would last far longer than the hour-and-a-half allotted time.
Prayer needs to happen - that's part of community. That's what community groups and prayer meetings, and even prayer chains, are for. But specific prayer requests don't need to take place on Sunday mornings. It's rude and distasteful. So are announcements that pertain to certain segments of the gathering. I don't care if Verna is holding a potluck dinner for the seniors, or that Laura is meeting with youth leaders. I don't know Verna or Laura, and it makes me feel left out, and out of place. "If you want more information, just talk to Laura". Yea, I'll get right on that.
On a sidenote, putting these things in the weekly bulletin doesn't help much either. First-timers will likely spend the sermon time looking at the bulletin to find out what they've got themselves into. If all they see is 'family news', they'll feel left out and likely not return. And btw, even if 'family news' takes up a small section of the bulletin, that will be all they see.

4. Assumptions, assumptions. People on stage not introducing themselves. The Pastor not introducing himself. Not clearly explaining what 'greeting one another' means, or when AND WHY to stand, sit, kneel, etc. When you make the assumption that everybody already knows everybody and what's all going on, you're probably right. However, if it so happens that a newcomer JUST MIGHT be there, again they'll feel left out - because they ARE being left out in the dark.

5. Preaching. One of my favorite preachers, Tim Keller, has said that we should preach as if we were talking to people completely unversed in the Bible. Now, to you this may seem like he's advocating watering down of the Gospel but if you've heard Tim Keller speak you'll know he gets deeper than the majority of preachers today. The way he communicates, however, is respectful. He wouldn't say things like "you all know the story of Noah's Ark", or "who hasn't heard of the council of Dort". Instead, he respectfully explains what he's talking about. He cautions preachers to preach to the unchurched, even if your congregation is full of those who were born in the pew, and you will get unchurched because somebody will think, "hey I think Joe could really get what this guy is saying," and will be more inclined to invite Joe the next week or month or year. If you fault on one side or the other, lean towards offending arrogant Christians who think they're too advanced for your explanations, rather than unchurched who feel like you're talking over them.

6. Greeting. Just about every church has a greeting team, and just about every church's greeting team is a big FAIL. Many people have said they'd prefer to walk into a church WITHOUT a greeting team than to be so obviously ignored and shunned by people who are meant to be looking out for them.  I have to agree. Maybe 'greeting teams' are passe. Who really needs an usher to find a seat for them? Who needs a cold handshake and colder smile when they walk in the door? Especially as they're juggling their coffee, kids and possibly a Bible in their two hands?
Greeting can be done WELL, but unless it IS done well, I think it's more of a detriment to a welcoming environment than a help to it.

7. Decor. I think this is LOW on the list; if everything else is in place this shouldn't matter as much. However, there are certainly ways that you can decorate your church sanctuary, foyer, etc. that discourage people from engaging in your church. When too much care is put into setting up the Christmas tree, so that people are afraid to touch it or even go near it, you've lost me. When there are signs on the doors to the sanctuary saying "no food or drinks" (or children, elderly, crippled, lame, blind, etc) it's a clear indication of what the priority is - clean upholstery over people. You can care TOO much about your decor. You could also care too little. Too much space with not enough people is a no-no. People feel comfortable when their space is 80% full. Any less than that, and they feel like they're on display. Nice pieces of art (not Christian kitsche) goes a long way, especially if it's original. Stark white walls are not pretty, and neither is dirt on the ceilings near the warm air intakes. People get a sense of whether they're valued at a place by the way it looks and makes them feel. Value your guests.

The point in all of this is to become INTENTIONAL about reaching the unchurched. There's been a big movement towards focussing on the church SCATTERED, but when the church is GATHERED how well are you doing in mission? I think we could all find ways to take steps that value our unchurched guests. Please leave your comments below if I'm missed something, or if I've missed the mark on anything!