If you've been reading this blog, you'll know that I'm a mail man. A postal worker. A letter carrier. A junk mail mule. One of the defining annoying traits of those of us in this profession is that we literally cut corners. When I began my job two years ago, I decided that I would not walk on peoples' lawns. Honestly, I hated it when people walked across my lawn. I have been known to "politely ask" newspaper deliverers and local preteens to get off my grass. So I didn't want to be one of those guys who makes footpaths through innocent front lawns.
But I do. I have become that guy.
The truth is that few people actually mind. Many people, in fact, install stepping stones through their front garden, or even across their lawn, for letter carriers and paper boys to use. That way, the homeowner can determine what path these corner cutters take through their yard, instead of the plodders trailblazing their own paths. There are a few who mind, though. Usually they're kind enough to display a sign courteously asking us to stay off their lawn. Other times they'll make sure there's a large obstacle in the path, such as a hedge or a fence. Sometimes, they'll wait for a chance to yell at us. The other day, a lady was out on her porch sipping a hot drink, watching as I went from house to house cutting across her neighbour's yards. Between her house and her next door neighbours was a beautifully clear lawn that I would have trudged right across without so much as a thought, but when I got to the house next to hers, she conspicuously walked to the end of her driveway, outstretched her arm and waited for me to walk all the way down her neighbour's driveway to deliver the mail directly to her. I said "Thank you," for saving me the steps back up to her house. "Mmm hmm" was her response. Better that than for her to wait for me to commit my indiscretion and yell at me after the fact, I suppose.
But what I really wanted to address here are those stepping stones which, like I said, a homeowner will install to ensure that the proper path is followed. The truth is, I appreciate them. I like knowing that I'm invited to cross the lawn, and given a clear indication of the expected course. I was listening to a program on my local News Talk radio station, and the subject was "Tiger Moms" - those parents who set high expectations on their kids and freak out if those expectations are not met. The host invited people to call in and give their opinion of whether this is good for kids, or bad. There was a plethora of responses, and this blog post, I suppose, is my own response.
Most of the people who called in insisted that kids need to find their own way, and that a parent's job is to be supportive whatever course their kids wind up taking. They don't need direction; what they need is endorsement and approval. Some other callers talked about how we have no expectations on kids and that's why they wind up disrespectful and distrustful of authority. Listening to all of this while on my mail route, cutting through all the lawns I could find in my delivery zone, I disagreed with both of those positions.
I believe that kids, my kids, need stepping stones. They need me to write a story for them, determine a path for them, and clearly mark it out. They need me to establish what's important and necessary for them to follow, and what's not as greatly expected, and what to stay away from. The stepping stones leading from the door through my own yard to the shed provide a huge symbol: if you're going to walk to the shed go this way. You can walk through the grass, that's okay. But try to step on the stones. And don't walk somewhere else to get to this destination.
The stepping stones themselves are the highest expectations. For our family, our highest expectations for our kids are that they are honest, reliable, respectful and respectable, love God and love people. Those are the stepping stones. The grassy are between each stone are also expectations that fall in line with those steps, such as doing well in school, choosing good friends, making appropriate moral choices, saving and giving and spending well, the list goes on. But the rest of the "lawn" is off limits, and I will correct my kids when they stray outside the path, just like more than a few homeowners have corrected my behaviour as I've trespassed across their lawns.
I think that kids are easily confused. When we tell them all the things that they do wrong, without giving them stepping stones leading them to do what's right, if frustrates and hardens them. When we neglect to congratulate their achievements, they get bummed out. When we expect them to know the path but it's too obscure for them to get, they'll naturally transgress and we'll be the grim faced police officers taxing the toll on our offending kids over and over and over again.
I don't have it all figured out. I have a six year old, a four year old, a two year old, and a 10 month old. Time will tell whether my parenting methods will be effective or not. But I know I don't want to be a so-called "Tiger Mom" (or in my case, Dad), and I sure don't believe that kids know better than their parents on how to raise them. I try hard to write my kids a story for their lives that they can hold on to, believe in, hope in, and add colour to it. And to give them stepping stones to follow.
But I do. I have become that guy.
The truth is that few people actually mind. Many people, in fact, install stepping stones through their front garden, or even across their lawn, for letter carriers and paper boys to use. That way, the homeowner can determine what path these corner cutters take through their yard, instead of the plodders trailblazing their own paths. There are a few who mind, though. Usually they're kind enough to display a sign courteously asking us to stay off their lawn. Other times they'll make sure there's a large obstacle in the path, such as a hedge or a fence. Sometimes, they'll wait for a chance to yell at us. The other day, a lady was out on her porch sipping a hot drink, watching as I went from house to house cutting across her neighbour's yards. Between her house and her next door neighbours was a beautifully clear lawn that I would have trudged right across without so much as a thought, but when I got to the house next to hers, she conspicuously walked to the end of her driveway, outstretched her arm and waited for me to walk all the way down her neighbour's driveway to deliver the mail directly to her. I said "Thank you," for saving me the steps back up to her house. "Mmm hmm" was her response. Better that than for her to wait for me to commit my indiscretion and yell at me after the fact, I suppose.
But what I really wanted to address here are those stepping stones which, like I said, a homeowner will install to ensure that the proper path is followed. The truth is, I appreciate them. I like knowing that I'm invited to cross the lawn, and given a clear indication of the expected course. I was listening to a program on my local News Talk radio station, and the subject was "Tiger Moms" - those parents who set high expectations on their kids and freak out if those expectations are not met. The host invited people to call in and give their opinion of whether this is good for kids, or bad. There was a plethora of responses, and this blog post, I suppose, is my own response.
Most of the people who called in insisted that kids need to find their own way, and that a parent's job is to be supportive whatever course their kids wind up taking. They don't need direction; what they need is endorsement and approval. Some other callers talked about how we have no expectations on kids and that's why they wind up disrespectful and distrustful of authority. Listening to all of this while on my mail route, cutting through all the lawns I could find in my delivery zone, I disagreed with both of those positions.
I believe that kids, my kids, need stepping stones. They need me to write a story for them, determine a path for them, and clearly mark it out. They need me to establish what's important and necessary for them to follow, and what's not as greatly expected, and what to stay away from. The stepping stones leading from the door through my own yard to the shed provide a huge symbol: if you're going to walk to the shed go this way. You can walk through the grass, that's okay. But try to step on the stones. And don't walk somewhere else to get to this destination.
The stepping stones themselves are the highest expectations. For our family, our highest expectations for our kids are that they are honest, reliable, respectful and respectable, love God and love people. Those are the stepping stones. The grassy are between each stone are also expectations that fall in line with those steps, such as doing well in school, choosing good friends, making appropriate moral choices, saving and giving and spending well, the list goes on. But the rest of the "lawn" is off limits, and I will correct my kids when they stray outside the path, just like more than a few homeowners have corrected my behaviour as I've trespassed across their lawns.
I think that kids are easily confused. When we tell them all the things that they do wrong, without giving them stepping stones leading them to do what's right, if frustrates and hardens them. When we neglect to congratulate their achievements, they get bummed out. When we expect them to know the path but it's too obscure for them to get, they'll naturally transgress and we'll be the grim faced police officers taxing the toll on our offending kids over and over and over again.
I don't have it all figured out. I have a six year old, a four year old, a two year old, and a 10 month old. Time will tell whether my parenting methods will be effective or not. But I know I don't want to be a so-called "Tiger Mom" (or in my case, Dad), and I sure don't believe that kids know better than their parents on how to raise them. I try hard to write my kids a story for their lives that they can hold on to, believe in, hope in, and add colour to it. And to give them stepping stones to follow.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will be posted after it is approved.